Nips Out: Death of the Bra and Man Darts

What is the deal with people going braless these days? Last night, I was hunkered down for another episode of The Watcher, and Naomi Watts was playing tennis with hard nips protruding from her white tank top, like candy corns. I mean, I get it if you have A-cups, and you don’t actually need a bra…but, cups aside, showing nips on the court at the country club probs isn’t going to endear you with the membership. Also, l I can’t help but stare at them, so then I just feel cringey.

Similarly, many models these days are showing up on the runway, nips out, like Bella Hadid going Braless, and I factually walked past a woman with her magnanimous boob dangling out over her Bjorn and her baby trying to get it, like it was bobbing for apples. Let’s keep the bobbing to Harvest Fest and Halloween, can we?

Listen, I have no problem with nips. Actually, I kind of like them–well, the ones that we in Massachusetts call “nips” to refer to airplane-sized, mini bottles of booze from the packy. But, I just don’t know how I feel about them being out and about, or pinging like darts, through a woman’s shirt. I also don’t like it when guys have man darts (shall we name them “Marts?) busting through their tanks and oxfords either. Like, what happened to the dad undershirt? The Hanes V-neck or tank underneath? Now the tank IS the shirt for the metro man, and nips are part of that ensemble. Don’t even get me started on the gear these guys wear today. Can we talk about men in pearl necklaces? Barf. No, it’s not okay. Even if you’re hot. Jackie O’ can wear pearls; guys at a bar should not (IMO).

Oh, and I just read something about how women can choose if they get buried with a bra on or not. I think that sounds sort of uncomfortable, so that’s the one time I’m onboard for nips out: in the coffin.

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