I decided to re-read some of the beloved classics, and Sylvia Plath’s The Bell Jar, is my recent pick. It was sort of fortuitous I chose this book, because I found a line of text in it that reminds me of a conversation I just had with several friends about what a man wants in a partner vs. what a woman wants.
Sylvia writes, “Buddy’s mother said, ‘What a man wants is a mate and what a woman wants is infinite security, and ‘What a man is is an arrow into the future and what a woman is is the place the arrow shoots off from.'”
Well, no wonder Sylvia Plath was depressed… (!)
But, it’s an interesting concept: what men and women want in a partner.
I sparked a lively debate about this exact topic a week ago when (excuse me about this grand pivot from the literary classics to an episode of reality TV, Southern Charm, to be exact)…HAH…But… Austen Kroll on Southern Charm said that he wouldn’t consider dating Sally Carson seriously, because she was a “bar rat” and went out every night. (see video here). Salley, of course, is young and single, and defended herself by asking what else she should be doing at night, as long as she’s not hooking up with everyone (well, that’s debatable also) and going to work every day? Going out several nights a week to meet friends in a bar doesn’t deem you an unsuitable wife in the future, Salley says.
I agree.
But not everyone else does, just as Plath writes that Buddy’s mom doesn’t.
I will say this: it does make sense that women find infinite security of utmost importance. Is this financial security, though, or emotional? Back in the days of yore, the men were hunters and the women gatherers. I suppose the man who brought home the most food was the best prospect. So, in today’s day and age, is that a good salary? I am not sure.
As for what men want, how do we define “a mate?” In one sense, I view the word ‘mate’ to mean a good friend, a pal, like an Australian would call his buddies his ‘mates.’ However, I don’t think that’s what Plath meant in her excerpt. I think she meant that men want a woman mate in the more traditional sense–as in, someone to mate with…like a mother for his children. And this is not someone who is ‘a bar rat.’
Again, not judging...asking?
I just felt bad for Salley on Southern Charm is all, and I don’t think it’s fair for her to be deemed unwifeable because she likes to go out with her friends at night. What is so terrible about that?
What are your thoughts? Leave them in the comments below, and we can start a conversation.
A fellow adventurer!