I chose to wear this ruby ring today for a reason. It reminds me of a safe place, a safe mental place.
I was reeling this morning, trapped in a shame spiral, and I sought comfort–more than what you can get from a friendly conversation or a warm cup of tea. I was in a similar headspace 20 years ago when I shuffled down Madison Avenue in my Doc Martins and bought this ring.
I think it’s an imitation ruby, TBH. In fact, it’s most definitely faux, since I paid $18 for it (this was a splurge).
At the time, I was a struggling actress–emphasis on the the word struggling. During the day, I worked a flex job as a typist at A-Plus Recording and Transcribing, and I typed about 200 words a minute. Each day, I sat in a dark carrell, under a clip on construction lamp, in a basement in Chelsea. I wore headphones and tapped on a foot pedal to stop and start the sound, just typing. As if this weren’t grim enough, I had also broken up with my boyfriend of 2 years, and I felt down in the dumps, lost. I was 30-years-old, single, on an island.
So I decided to get myself a present, this ring, to cheer me up. I’m surprised I still have it, and that I continue to find solace in it.
So much has happened since then! And my worries today are so much heavier than they were then.
Yet, at the time, it felt like they carried the same weight: would I ever “make it” on Broadway; would I get married and have children; would I die alone in my fifth floor walkup with two cats and roommates from Craigslist? #truth
I heard a quote the other day, and it is jarring in its simplicity and utility: Misery is Optional.
It really is–it’s a state of mind, a choice. What??! This sort of blew my mind!
Obviously, there are exceptions. But, how you frame something in your mind can make all the difference. For instance, instead of chastising myself or focusing on what is wrong today, I could chalk it up to the past and be hopeful that it’s a new day, and I have the choice to make the best of it–or not.
This is easier said than done, but it’s opened my eyes to a new way of thinking.
Misery is optional. I’ll say it again…and again…until it sticks.
Until then, I always have my faux ruby ring as a warm blanket on my soul.
PS-Click here https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTYj49asC/to see my TikTok about this